Good Mom, Bad Mom, Real Mom

Before I became a mother, I often thought of how good a mom I would be...or how bad. If I would stay at home or if I would be a trail blazing rock mom like June Ambrose. I guess in reality, just like any first time mother, I had no freakin clue! The biggest comfort for me was that I had a plan. I decided that I was going to work until a certain date and I would have everything in place before she came. I had all the books on "What To Do When Your Baby Bump Jumps" and "So Your Carrying A Baby Dragon" or whatever these things are called... I say all this to setup for what ultimately hit me, REALITY! Little did I know that due dates are merely cute fluffy roundabout things doctors make up for parents-to-be, and those books I never had a chance to read one...still. After giving birth to my daughter two weeks early with a half finished nursery and stack of unread help I realized something, reality is a bitch! No matter what the fantasy that we create in our minds or the plans that we make to ensure that everything goes perfectly, there's always that big guy in the sky laughing right before he shows us his will. I had to accept that this motherhood thing was something that I could never be completely prepared for; not mentally, spiritually, financially or emotionally. In my Kevin Hart voice, I wasn't ready! Today I look back at that journey and I remind myself of the little reality checks that we take for granted in life. The mountains and molehills that cause us to stagger or stumble, the life that goes on while we grasp at straws and cry out for control. Reality, she's a bitch, but she's also been my best friend. The realities of motherhood have brought me to a place of clarity that I cannot imagine coming from any other experience. The reality that however good, bad or indifferently I chose to behave as a mom, I am still responsible for the total life of a beautiful little half pint! So now, five years into this journey I've accepted fully that whether I am good at it or not, I am the whole entire world to some awesome little creep! I am her best friend. I am the one she looks at to know how to react, what to say, where to go.  I am a mom and that is enough.